putting aside that x japan is a power metal/visual rock band, they did really really great ballads too.

back to the main point.i've pretty much revealed in a previous post that there's another facet to me other than the hahahas and whatnots.i see it as a darker, somber reflection of my normal, more-frivolous appearance.afterall, a guy needs to have his unique mysterious traits.rather, this dark, somber reflection is part of my soul, part of my existence.

i think a lot of what life actually means.not in the sense of what i wanna pursue in life, be it a good career, money etc.this life that everyone is living.it seems so transient, so meaningless.i have never known how to describe this feeling of mine in words.but the bottomline is this so-called life is but a mere transient, fleeting infinitesimal fraction of a neverending eternity.

all my life or rather the time spent in existence i yearn to feel this neverending eternity.this is the basis of my concept of afterlife.the afterlife, indeed of an eternal nature after our tiny lives on this earth ceases to exist, is an eternity of silence, melancholy, despair, desire, regret; it consists of a whirlpool of psychedelic mental anguish all played out in a perpetual unfathomable void of darkness.a single essence of consciousness surrounded by the abyss of somber darkness.an eternity of silence, melancholy, despair, desire, regret playing themselves out over and over again to the essence of consciousness which is us.there is a certain morbid tranquility in this.

that is where i wanna be when i become part of the eternity.

i love x japan.their lyrics speak for themselves.the morbidity of the despair, melancholy, sadness of x japan's songs puts me at ease.it's the food of my soul.these are songs i identify with.[note: i do enjoy the occasional english or chinese song, but x japan is what defines me, my soul, my existence]

like i said previously, im normally emo at night cuz it's the time when i go through my notions of the afterlife as me-time.a repetitive reminder of how i yearn to be part of the eternity.how i want to be a single essence of consciousness in the eternal endless void.spending the rest of eternity in silent melancholy.